Music to Masturbate By

There is a lot of music out there that makes veiled references, or not so veiled references to sex. But did you ever notice how many popular songs out there talk about the Greatest Love of All? No - not that song, I'm talking about masturbation. At first, you might think there aren't any, but that's because they often sound like they're about something else. Here's my list of my favorite tunes about spanking the monkey.

She-Bop by Cyndi Lauper - This is first on my list because I adored this song as a teenager. I was very naive and completely unaware of what the song was actually about. I just liked the beat. But if you actually read the lyrics, there's no mistaking that she's talking about jilling off.
We-hell-I see them every night in tight blue jeans -
In the pages of a blue boy magazine
Hey I've been thinking of a new sensation
I'm picking up - good vibration -
Oop - she bop

Do I wanna go out with a lion's roar
Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more
Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
They say I better stop - or I'll go blind
Oop - she bop - she bop


I Touch Myself - the Divinyls - This one is not veiled at all. They put it all out there. "I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch myself.' Great fun song - made even more famous for being in the Austin Powers movie.

Darling Nikki - Prince - also not subtle at all. This song is not really about masturbation. It's about much much more than that but it's opens with Nikki masturbating in a hotel lobby. This song blew my poor little 13 year old head wide open. I knew that it was dirty and I loved it.

I Don't Need a Man - PussyCat Dolls - this is not just about masturbation but they do reference it. "I don’t need a man to make me feel good I get off doing my thin. I don’t need a ring around my finger to make me feel complete. So let me break it down I can get off when you ain’t around"

The Faucet - the Wyrd Sisters - this is probably one not too many are familiar with. The Wyrd sisters are an obscure folk group that I adored in my early 20's. This gem of a song is not kidding around either "My sexual preference is my bathtub faucet." It's hard to find now but if you can get your hands on it, it's well worth a listen.

Fingers - Pink - “When it’s late at night and you’re fast asleep, I let my fingers do the walking. I press record I become a fiend and no one else is watching. I let my fingers do the walking” Pretty clear there.

You and Your Hand - Pink - yay Pink! Okay, this song isn't really about masturbation but she does tell the guy that's hitting on her that it's all he's gonna get. "Keep your drink just give me the money. It's just you and your hand tonight."

Feelin' Love - Paula Cole - she doesn't explicitly mention masturbation in this song but it's clear that this is a super-hot masturbation fantasy about someone she is super-horny for 'You make me feel like a sticky pistol leaning into her stamen. You make me feel like Mr. Sunshine himself. You make me feel like splendor in the grass where we're rolling. You make me feel like the Amazon's running between my thighs." God, I love this song!