Last month, I heard about an app called 'Good2Go' which describes itself as an app to ensure you have consent for sex and/or are able to consent to sex. It is confusing and bizarre. What you are supposed to do, I think, is tell the app that you want to have sex with someone (I think you are supposed to enter who it is). Then you give your phone to that person and they key in whether they consent, don't consent, or want to talk about it first and give you back the phone. The video for the app shows this happening but I don't understand why you wouldn't be able to communicate to that person on their phone by the app. Anyway, that's the least of the problems here. If the object of your affection consents, you then ask them if they are sober? They key in how much they've had to drink and the app will tell both of you if they are able to consent. Then there is some sort of weird confirmation or registration thing that I don't understand. If all the hurdles are clear, then you are 'Good2Go' and you can get busy.
There are clearly a LOT of problems with this whole idea but my first thought was 'What the hell happened to talking?'. If you need an app to ask someone to have sex, make sure they consent, and make sure they are sober enough to consent, then perhaps you don't have the social skills required to engage in any sort of relationship, sexual or otherwise. And consent is not one simple yes or no question. Consent is actually about constantly being in tune with and checking in with the person you are with to make sure they are into it, turned on, physically comfortable, and having fun. The app says all over it that consent has to be ongoing and can be withdrawn at any time but the very existence of this stupid thing really negates that idea. If you said you were Good2Go, doesn't that mean that everything that happens after that is perfectly fine? If consent can be withdrawn at any time, what use does the app serve in the first place. People complain that the idea of asking for consent on a ongoing basis is unnatural and legalistic. If you are of that opinion, then this certainly doesn't help - this is about as unnatural and legalistic as you can get. A real conversation about consent simply does not happen this way. It's about talking about what you would like to do, finding out what the person you're with is into, agreeing on the stuff you want to do, and then paying attention and noticing if any of you seems uncomfortable, not into it, hesitant or anything other that totally turned on and into it. Very rarely does a consensual sexual act sounds like 'I would like to have sex with you, do you consent to that?' 'Yes, I consent to have sex with you.' It is usually totally hot, more things like 'I really want to kiss your lips right now.' 'I want to put my hand in your panties and see how wet you are.' 'What makes you hot? Tell me what turns you on? What do you want me to do to you?' These are the kinds of things people really say during sex and those are real examples of asking for consent. As long as the response is heard and respected, that's consensual sex. It's not one question, it's a lot of things and it's supposed to be, and often is, an organic part of a sexual encounter.
We have created this bizarre concept that sex is about getting something from someone. All you have to do is make sure that you had permission to take that thing and everything's okay. This is what we seem to be teaching our young people about sex. 'Be sure you have permission.' 'Always get consent'. Yes, it's important, actually vital, to have consent. But it's not about just getting what you want and making sure the other person said yes some how. It's about having a mutual interaction - knowing what they want and ensuring that all parties are getting what they want out of it. It's an ongoing, engaged, relational thing, not a case of yes you can have it or no you can't.
We have so much technology that allows us to communicate with each other. If we actually think that clicking a button on a smartphone app is the right, or sufficient way to invite someone into an intimate sexual encounter, then our technology isn't helping us communicate at all. Perhaps it's make us less able to actually talk to each other.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Suspicious Money Dealings
Earlier this spring, there were several reports of American bank Chase closing the personal accounts of several porn actresses. There was a major backlash against Chase, and rightly so, but now it's becoming clear that the issue is a lot bigger than just them. Yesterday, the Third Party Payments Processor Association filed a brief accusing the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation of unfairly targeted industries for moral reasons.
It seems that in 2011, the FDIC published a list of 'high-risk' industries that they deemed worthy of increased scrutiny. Many of the industries on the list are completely legel, including pornography. The TPPPA says that not long after this, the FDIC began pressuring banks to end relationships with processors who process payments for merchants in the porn industry. Apparently, it didn't end there. TPPPA and some of the banks allege that FDIC put enormous pressure on banks not to work with both processors and merchants related to the porn industry, threatening them with the highest level of scrutiny possible.
If this doesn't scare the pants off of anyone involved in banking and any industry that relies on payment processing, it should. Pornography is not the only legal industry on their list, they also targeted dating services and drug paraphernalia. What's happening here is that this arm of the federal government is deciding that it doesn't think people should be engaged in certain things - based on nothing other than a moral opposition and completely wrong-headed assumption that these industries are related to illegal activities. The truly scary thing about it is that they are not dealing with that belief or concern through any legal means. They are not simply watching the activities of those industries for anything that looks like illegal activity. They are, without any proof, trying to wholesale destroy those industries by cutting off their access to banking and payment services. If a company cannot process credit cards - particularly one that operates only on-line, they are done. Period. End of sentence. So without having to bother with any such pesky things as actual real investigations, evidence, and criminal charges, they are just choking off merchants that they don't like.
Even if you are not a fan porn and bongs, this should scare you. What's to say that the FDIC won't decide that they are suspicious of art dealers, drugstores, women's clothing retailers? They could target anyone they want this way, simply because they have a moral opposition to the industry. This is a gross and disgusting abuse of power and violation of the rights of business owners and of individuals to spend their money how they choose.
Of course, things in Canada are quite a bit different but as a retailer in the industry, I've had my share of issues with banks and merchant service organizations. When I first started, I called about seven different merchant processors before I found one that would work with me. All the others said that they would not work with any merchant in any adult related industry whatsoever. They classified my business, which sells adult toys in a retail environment, in the same category that they put strip clubs and massage parlors. Although I think restrictions against those businesses is unfair anyway, I think it's particularly unfair to put my business in the same category. I sell products, not services. There is very clear documentation of what I sell and what has changed hands. It's much more similar to a sporting goods store than it is a strip club. But, in the eyes of many of the banks in this country, anything to do with sex is risky and they don't want to touch it. In one case, I actually had a bank tell me that it wasn't because the industry was high risk, it was because they felt working with adult toy stores would tarnish their reputation.
Several years ago, I switched to a new bank (I won't name this banks, so as not to be petty - but part of me does feel they should be outed for this). The bank itself was eager for my business and happy to have me on board. They wanted me to switch my merchant account to their payment processor (mainly so they could get the revenue, but also because they thought I would get lower transaction fees). The processor called to set up the account and was unaware of what my retail business was. When I told him, there was a looooooooong pause in the conversation. Then he told me that they cannot work with a business such as mine.
So yes, this stuff happens here in Canada, just on a smaller scale. These are decisions that are made by each financial institution themselves, not directives that are coming from a federal agency. However, with the federal government we have in Canada at the moment, I don't think it's all unreasonable to think that something similar could happen here. I'm happy to see the complaint about the FDIC exposing these underhanded tactics that I'm sure they felt they could easily get away with. We need to be vigilant about this kind of thing. Access to basic banking services is actually a right in our country, not a privilege and we need to stand up for that right.
It seems that in 2011, the FDIC published a list of 'high-risk' industries that they deemed worthy of increased scrutiny. Many of the industries on the list are completely legel, including pornography. The TPPPA says that not long after this, the FDIC began pressuring banks to end relationships with processors who process payments for merchants in the porn industry. Apparently, it didn't end there. TPPPA and some of the banks allege that FDIC put enormous pressure on banks not to work with both processors and merchants related to the porn industry, threatening them with the highest level of scrutiny possible.
If this doesn't scare the pants off of anyone involved in banking and any industry that relies on payment processing, it should. Pornography is not the only legal industry on their list, they also targeted dating services and drug paraphernalia. What's happening here is that this arm of the federal government is deciding that it doesn't think people should be engaged in certain things - based on nothing other than a moral opposition and completely wrong-headed assumption that these industries are related to illegal activities. The truly scary thing about it is that they are not dealing with that belief or concern through any legal means. They are not simply watching the activities of those industries for anything that looks like illegal activity. They are, without any proof, trying to wholesale destroy those industries by cutting off their access to banking and payment services. If a company cannot process credit cards - particularly one that operates only on-line, they are done. Period. End of sentence. So without having to bother with any such pesky things as actual real investigations, evidence, and criminal charges, they are just choking off merchants that they don't like.
Even if you are not a fan porn and bongs, this should scare you. What's to say that the FDIC won't decide that they are suspicious of art dealers, drugstores, women's clothing retailers? They could target anyone they want this way, simply because they have a moral opposition to the industry. This is a gross and disgusting abuse of power and violation of the rights of business owners and of individuals to spend their money how they choose.
Of course, things in Canada are quite a bit different but as a retailer in the industry, I've had my share of issues with banks and merchant service organizations. When I first started, I called about seven different merchant processors before I found one that would work with me. All the others said that they would not work with any merchant in any adult related industry whatsoever. They classified my business, which sells adult toys in a retail environment, in the same category that they put strip clubs and massage parlors. Although I think restrictions against those businesses is unfair anyway, I think it's particularly unfair to put my business in the same category. I sell products, not services. There is very clear documentation of what I sell and what has changed hands. It's much more similar to a sporting goods store than it is a strip club. But, in the eyes of many of the banks in this country, anything to do with sex is risky and they don't want to touch it. In one case, I actually had a bank tell me that it wasn't because the industry was high risk, it was because they felt working with adult toy stores would tarnish their reputation.
Several years ago, I switched to a new bank (I won't name this banks, so as not to be petty - but part of me does feel they should be outed for this). The bank itself was eager for my business and happy to have me on board. They wanted me to switch my merchant account to their payment processor (mainly so they could get the revenue, but also because they thought I would get lower transaction fees). The processor called to set up the account and was unaware of what my retail business was. When I told him, there was a looooooooong pause in the conversation. Then he told me that they cannot work with a business such as mine.
So yes, this stuff happens here in Canada, just on a smaller scale. These are decisions that are made by each financial institution themselves, not directives that are coming from a federal agency. However, with the federal government we have in Canada at the moment, I don't think it's all unreasonable to think that something similar could happen here. I'm happy to see the complaint about the FDIC exposing these underhanded tactics that I'm sure they felt they could easily get away with. We need to be vigilant about this kind of thing. Access to basic banking services is actually a right in our country, not a privilege and we need to stand up for that right.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Music to Masturbate By
There is a lot of music out there that makes veiled references, or not so veiled references to sex. But did you ever notice how many popular songs out there talk about the Greatest Love of All? No - not that song, I'm talking about masturbation. At first, you might think there aren't any, but that's because they often sound like they're about something else. Here's my list of my favorite tunes about spanking the monkey.
She-Bop by Cyndi Lauper - This is first on my list because I adored this song as a teenager. I was very naive and completely unaware of what the song was actually about. I just liked the beat. But if you actually read the lyrics, there's no mistaking that she's talking about jilling off.
We-hell-I see them every night in tight blue jeans -
In the pages of a blue boy magazine
Hey I've been thinking of a new sensation
I'm picking up - good vibration -
Oop - she bop
Do I wanna go out with a lion's roar
Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more
Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
They say I better stop - or I'll go blind
Oop - she bop - she bop
I Touch Myself - the Divinyls - This one is not veiled at all. They put it all out there. "I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch myself.' Great fun song - made even more famous for being in the Austin Powers movie.
Darling Nikki - Prince - also not subtle at all. This song is not really about masturbation. It's about much much more than that but it's opens with Nikki masturbating in a hotel lobby. This song blew my poor little 13 year old head wide open. I knew that it was dirty and I loved it.
I Don't Need a Man - PussyCat Dolls - this is not just about masturbation but they do reference it. "I don’t need a man to make me feel good I get off doing my thin. I don’t need a ring around my finger to make me feel complete. So let me break it down I can get off when you ain’t around"
The Faucet - the Wyrd Sisters - this is probably one not too many are familiar with. The Wyrd sisters are an obscure folk group that I adored in my early 20's. This gem of a song is not kidding around either "My sexual preference is my bathtub faucet." It's hard to find now but if you can get your hands on it, it's well worth a listen.
Fingers - Pink - “When it’s late at night and you’re fast asleep, I let my fingers do the walking. I press record I become a fiend and no one else is watching. I let my fingers do the walking” Pretty clear there.
You and Your Hand - Pink - yay Pink! Okay, this song isn't really about masturbation but she does tell the guy that's hitting on her that it's all he's gonna get. "Keep your drink just give me the money. It's just you and your hand tonight."
Feelin' Love - Paula Cole - she doesn't explicitly mention masturbation in this song but it's clear that this is a super-hot masturbation fantasy about someone she is super-horny for 'You make me feel like a sticky pistol leaning into her stamen. You make me feel like Mr. Sunshine himself. You make me feel like splendor in the grass where we're rolling. You make me feel like the Amazon's running between my thighs." God, I love this song!
She-Bop by Cyndi Lauper - This is first on my list because I adored this song as a teenager. I was very naive and completely unaware of what the song was actually about. I just liked the beat. But if you actually read the lyrics, there's no mistaking that she's talking about jilling off.
We-hell-I see them every night in tight blue jeans -
In the pages of a blue boy magazine
Hey I've been thinking of a new sensation
I'm picking up - good vibration -
Oop - she bop
Do I wanna go out with a lion's roar
Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more
Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
They say I better stop - or I'll go blind
Oop - she bop - she bop
I Touch Myself - the Divinyls - This one is not veiled at all. They put it all out there. "I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch myself.' Great fun song - made even more famous for being in the Austin Powers movie.
Darling Nikki - Prince - also not subtle at all. This song is not really about masturbation. It's about much much more than that but it's opens with Nikki masturbating in a hotel lobby. This song blew my poor little 13 year old head wide open. I knew that it was dirty and I loved it.
I Don't Need a Man - PussyCat Dolls - this is not just about masturbation but they do reference it. "I don’t need a man to make me feel good I get off doing my thin. I don’t need a ring around my finger to make me feel complete. So let me break it down I can get off when you ain’t around"
The Faucet - the Wyrd Sisters - this is probably one not too many are familiar with. The Wyrd sisters are an obscure folk group that I adored in my early 20's. This gem of a song is not kidding around either "My sexual preference is my bathtub faucet." It's hard to find now but if you can get your hands on it, it's well worth a listen.
Fingers - Pink - “When it’s late at night and you’re fast asleep, I let my fingers do the walking. I press record I become a fiend and no one else is watching. I let my fingers do the walking” Pretty clear there.
You and Your Hand - Pink - yay Pink! Okay, this song isn't really about masturbation but she does tell the guy that's hitting on her that it's all he's gonna get. "Keep your drink just give me the money. It's just you and your hand tonight."
Feelin' Love - Paula Cole - she doesn't explicitly mention masturbation in this song but it's clear that this is a super-hot masturbation fantasy about someone she is super-horny for 'You make me feel like a sticky pistol leaning into her stamen. You make me feel like Mr. Sunshine himself. You make me feel like splendor in the grass where we're rolling. You make me feel like the Amazon's running between my thighs." God, I love this song!
Monday, May 19, 2014
Sticky the Movie: The Full Story
I just completed an article for Vue Weekly about an awesome new documentary that will hopefully be coming your way soon (no pun intended). Sticky the Movie addresses the touchy subject of masturbation. Film-maker Nicholas Tana shared a lot of great information with me about making the movie but only a small part of it could be included in the VUE article. Below is all of his answers to my questions. This is unedited - just exactly what he told me. I'm hoping that the movie will be complete and ready for a screening here next year.
How did you get involved in making this movie?
Originally, the idea to make a documentary on masturbation started as a joke. I had been kidding with a girlfriend of mine about funny documentary ideas, and the idea for a mockumentary on masturbation came up, in a matter of speaking, and after I started doing some research for a mockumentary, I realized that there was tons of fodder for a serious documentary. The word itself - masturbation - has been thought to derive from two older latin words that essentially translate to mean: “to disturb with the hand” or “to rape with the hand.” I thought that alone was amazing that our actual medical dictionary term could have such derisive origins. Even today, there are groups of people who believe that masturbation can deplete the body of essential life energy. A cancer study in 2009 conducted in Cambridge indicated that for some men masturbation could increase the risk of prostate cancer. Even though a cancer study in 2004 in the United States indicated that masturbation could in fact help to prevent prostate cancer. So it’s truly a sticky subject.
Why did you want to make a movie about masturbation? What is the viewpoint or purpose of the movie?
The film asks the question, why is something that most everybody does, so difficult to talk about. and goes on to seek the answers through interviews with authors, sex educators, porn stars, celebrated figures, and ordinary people. Societal opinions of masturbation have varied throughout the ages with extreme polarity, at one point in history, Victorian nursemaids in England would masturbate the children they cared for to relax them and get them to sleep, yet at the same time, masturbation was associated with hair loss and insanity. Sticky: a documentary on masturbation, explores this controversy in an attempt to better understand why there has been all this mixed reaction to such a common fundamental sexual act. The controversy surrounding masturbation is evident in the extremely different terms used throughout history to describe masturbation. Throughout the ages, it has been called both self-love and self-pollution, self-pleasure and self-abuse, this “whacky” is explored from a psychological, medical, business, and moral perspective.
How long has it been in production? What are next steps? How long do you have to go?
We’ve been in production for about eight years now. However, the actual time spent making the documentary would likely be condensed into several years. While at first, we managed to raise 85% of the budget within the first year of making the film, the economy tanked in 2009, and really adversely affected our ability to raise the rest of the money. I spent the next few years trying to raise the money through corporate sponsors or investors, and while many liked the film, people were a still skeptical about jumping on board because the documentary market really collapsed. While the subject matter is perfect for some brands, sex toy companies, energy drinks, etc., other companies wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole. However, people have volunteered to help me finish this film because they understand it’s potential impact and value on the world. I managed to get a new editor, Johann Martinez, who works on a comedy horror web-series I created called Hell’s Kitty, to join the team on deferred pay, and to help me finish the documentary. A sex therapist and educator from New York City, Michael Demarco, has also joined the team and helped in our social media, and has even arranged for some east coast interviews. Now we are about three months away from finishing the edits. We pretty much have most of our interviews done now, although we’d like to interview someone from both cancer studies I mentioned earlier that were done related to the effects of masturbation on the prostate in men. We hope to hit the festival circuit with the film in 2015, and to even do a college “SAFER THAN SAFE SEX” Tour that same year.
What is the most surprising or memorable thing that happened while you were doing your research for the movie?
This is a tough question to answer because there were so many surprising moments. The crew was surprised when Nina Hartley answered the door to her place naked. I remember watching Nina Hartley masturbate and thinking this is my job right now. I make movies and I’m getting paid to watch this legendary porn star masturbate on camera. We even had a woman demonstrate how she could make herself orgasm by breathing. That got so loud our cameraman had to cover his ears. The primatologist telling us how bonobo monkeys increase their vaginal secretions when they mastuburbate, and that this could have had a hand in human evolution was pretty surprising, too. One day our small crew were on a porn set, and another day we were at a Catholic church with a priest telling us that masturbation is an absolute sin. We really got around making this film.
How have people reacted when you've told them you're making this film or when you've asked them to contribute?
Mostly, people laugh; while others, blush and refuse to shake my hand. Those that recognize the value of this film, eagerly want to participate because they realize that we are making history. There has never been a feature documentary made quite like this. We’ve gathered over sixty interviews with everyone from porn stars to psychiatrists, to religious figures, to even the former Surgeon General. Those that don’t understand what we are doing, want nothing to do with the film for fear that it might get them into trouble. The reactions are very extreme. I love movies like that when they have the potential to really shake things up a bit.
For example, it was nearly impossible getting teachers to interview. I had to rely on a friend and my cousin. The same was true for an Islamic imam. I had to get a good friend’s dad who is Muslim to conduct that interview. When I tried to get my Alma mater, Arizona State University, to lend me social media interns, they refused to post a listing about my request on the school job listing board. Even though the trailer on our www.stickythemovie.com website is PG, and I’ve had a Harvard Gender Studies teacher email me to request a copy of this film for their class. When I asked the decision makers at ASU's honor's college, why they refused to post my listing, they simply wrote back to me stating that they would not post anything about my film leaving me to guess at the reason. This is why I’m making this film. When an educational facility, ironically one that has been named Playboy’s campus for several years, is too afraid to post something about a film that addresses a fundamental natural part of sexuality, I think anything that we can do to stimulate conversation is a good thing.
Why is it important to you to have this movie produced and available to the public?
The United States has had more sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancies than any other modern nation in the world. I’m convinced that this is because we don’t talk to our children about sex. This film is sure to get people talking. In fact, one of the grade school teachers interviewed in the film reveals how a student of hers asked her once, if they could get herpes from masturbating. Clearly there are questions that need to be answered. I've read statistics that state that two of the biggest problems leading to martial problems are arguments about finance and sex. I figure this film in it's own way is addresses half of the problem.
You've got some fairly big celebrity names in the trailer, how did you get them involved in the film?
I wrote them or contacted their media relations people. When I told them what I hoped to accomplish with educating people about a subject that touches us all, literally, they were on board to help with the task. Larry Flynt has always liked to push the boundaries of sexuality and what makes people uncomfortable and so his involvement didn’t quite surprise me. I admire him for giving us a chance as a indie. documentary team, because at the time we had barely a trailer, not the one you see today on www.stickythemovie.com. Janeane Garofalo is someone I met at an event and we both shared the Catholic upbringing, and she liked what I was doing with the film, and decided to give me an interview. Most of the higher profile people really liked what we were doing and wanted to give us a hand in making history with a ground breaking film that gets people thinking about why we both love and fear sex, and this is no more evident than when it comes to sex with ourselves.
Though do not have a release date set yet but we hope to finish the film in the next four months and hit the festivals for 2015. If you like and support what we are doing, please send positive encouraging comments to our Youtube videos, subscribe to our channel, give us thumbs up on our videos, like us on Facebook, and follow us on twitter. This all helps us to convince distributors to get this film out there for everyone to see. You can access all of our social media on our website: www.stickythemovie.com.
How did you get involved in making this movie?
Originally, the idea to make a documentary on masturbation started as a joke. I had been kidding with a girlfriend of mine about funny documentary ideas, and the idea for a mockumentary on masturbation came up, in a matter of speaking, and after I started doing some research for a mockumentary, I realized that there was tons of fodder for a serious documentary. The word itself - masturbation - has been thought to derive from two older latin words that essentially translate to mean: “to disturb with the hand” or “to rape with the hand.” I thought that alone was amazing that our actual medical dictionary term could have such derisive origins. Even today, there are groups of people who believe that masturbation can deplete the body of essential life energy. A cancer study in 2009 conducted in Cambridge indicated that for some men masturbation could increase the risk of prostate cancer. Even though a cancer study in 2004 in the United States indicated that masturbation could in fact help to prevent prostate cancer. So it’s truly a sticky subject.
Why did you want to make a movie about masturbation? What is the viewpoint or purpose of the movie?
The film asks the question, why is something that most everybody does, so difficult to talk about. and goes on to seek the answers through interviews with authors, sex educators, porn stars, celebrated figures, and ordinary people. Societal opinions of masturbation have varied throughout the ages with extreme polarity, at one point in history, Victorian nursemaids in England would masturbate the children they cared for to relax them and get them to sleep, yet at the same time, masturbation was associated with hair loss and insanity. Sticky: a documentary on masturbation, explores this controversy in an attempt to better understand why there has been all this mixed reaction to such a common fundamental sexual act. The controversy surrounding masturbation is evident in the extremely different terms used throughout history to describe masturbation. Throughout the ages, it has been called both self-love and self-pollution, self-pleasure and self-abuse, this “whacky” is explored from a psychological, medical, business, and moral perspective.
How long has it been in production? What are next steps? How long do you have to go?
We’ve been in production for about eight years now. However, the actual time spent making the documentary would likely be condensed into several years. While at first, we managed to raise 85% of the budget within the first year of making the film, the economy tanked in 2009, and really adversely affected our ability to raise the rest of the money. I spent the next few years trying to raise the money through corporate sponsors or investors, and while many liked the film, people were a still skeptical about jumping on board because the documentary market really collapsed. While the subject matter is perfect for some brands, sex toy companies, energy drinks, etc., other companies wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole. However, people have volunteered to help me finish this film because they understand it’s potential impact and value on the world. I managed to get a new editor, Johann Martinez, who works on a comedy horror web-series I created called Hell’s Kitty, to join the team on deferred pay, and to help me finish the documentary. A sex therapist and educator from New York City, Michael Demarco, has also joined the team and helped in our social media, and has even arranged for some east coast interviews. Now we are about three months away from finishing the edits. We pretty much have most of our interviews done now, although we’d like to interview someone from both cancer studies I mentioned earlier that were done related to the effects of masturbation on the prostate in men. We hope to hit the festival circuit with the film in 2015, and to even do a college “SAFER THAN SAFE SEX” Tour that same year.
What is the most surprising or memorable thing that happened while you were doing your research for the movie?
This is a tough question to answer because there were so many surprising moments. The crew was surprised when Nina Hartley answered the door to her place naked. I remember watching Nina Hartley masturbate and thinking this is my job right now. I make movies and I’m getting paid to watch this legendary porn star masturbate on camera. We even had a woman demonstrate how she could make herself orgasm by breathing. That got so loud our cameraman had to cover his ears. The primatologist telling us how bonobo monkeys increase their vaginal secretions when they mastuburbate, and that this could have had a hand in human evolution was pretty surprising, too. One day our small crew were on a porn set, and another day we were at a Catholic church with a priest telling us that masturbation is an absolute sin. We really got around making this film.
How have people reacted when you've told them you're making this film or when you've asked them to contribute?
Mostly, people laugh; while others, blush and refuse to shake my hand. Those that recognize the value of this film, eagerly want to participate because they realize that we are making history. There has never been a feature documentary made quite like this. We’ve gathered over sixty interviews with everyone from porn stars to psychiatrists, to religious figures, to even the former Surgeon General. Those that don’t understand what we are doing, want nothing to do with the film for fear that it might get them into trouble. The reactions are very extreme. I love movies like that when they have the potential to really shake things up a bit.
For example, it was nearly impossible getting teachers to interview. I had to rely on a friend and my cousin. The same was true for an Islamic imam. I had to get a good friend’s dad who is Muslim to conduct that interview. When I tried to get my Alma mater, Arizona State University, to lend me social media interns, they refused to post a listing about my request on the school job listing board. Even though the trailer on our www.stickythemovie.com website is PG, and I’ve had a Harvard Gender Studies teacher email me to request a copy of this film for their class. When I asked the decision makers at ASU's honor's college, why they refused to post my listing, they simply wrote back to me stating that they would not post anything about my film leaving me to guess at the reason. This is why I’m making this film. When an educational facility, ironically one that has been named Playboy’s campus for several years, is too afraid to post something about a film that addresses a fundamental natural part of sexuality, I think anything that we can do to stimulate conversation is a good thing.
Why is it important to you to have this movie produced and available to the public?
The United States has had more sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancies than any other modern nation in the world. I’m convinced that this is because we don’t talk to our children about sex. This film is sure to get people talking. In fact, one of the grade school teachers interviewed in the film reveals how a student of hers asked her once, if they could get herpes from masturbating. Clearly there are questions that need to be answered. I've read statistics that state that two of the biggest problems leading to martial problems are arguments about finance and sex. I figure this film in it's own way is addresses half of the problem.
You've got some fairly big celebrity names in the trailer, how did you get them involved in the film?
I wrote them or contacted their media relations people. When I told them what I hoped to accomplish with educating people about a subject that touches us all, literally, they were on board to help with the task. Larry Flynt has always liked to push the boundaries of sexuality and what makes people uncomfortable and so his involvement didn’t quite surprise me. I admire him for giving us a chance as a indie. documentary team, because at the time we had barely a trailer, not the one you see today on www.stickythemovie.com. Janeane Garofalo is someone I met at an event and we both shared the Catholic upbringing, and she liked what I was doing with the film, and decided to give me an interview. Most of the higher profile people really liked what we were doing and wanted to give us a hand in making history with a ground breaking film that gets people thinking about why we both love and fear sex, and this is no more evident than when it comes to sex with ourselves.
Though do not have a release date set yet but we hope to finish the film in the next four months and hit the festivals for 2015. If you like and support what we are doing, please send positive encouraging comments to our Youtube videos, subscribe to our channel, give us thumbs up on our videos, like us on Facebook, and follow us on twitter. This all helps us to convince distributors to get this film out there for everyone to see. You can access all of our social media on our website: www.stickythemovie.com.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Masturbation in the Movies - (or possibly at the Movies)
In honor of Mssturbation Month, I present a list of my favorite movie masturbation scenes. To be clear - these are masturbation scenes from mainstream movies, not from porn. There are a lot of fantastic masturbation scenes in porn movies but they are far too numerous to mention here.
So here we go:
1. Nine and Half Weeks.
This is one of my favorite movies. Sure, it's twisted and flawed, but I love the portrayal of a woman confronted with sexual desires she's never experienced before. Elizabeth (played by Kim Basinger) is at work, reviewing slides for an upcoming art show. Alone in the dark room, staring at these images, she is overcome by eroticism and thoughts of her hot new lover and pleasures herself right then and there. She is so involved in herself, it is extremely hot.
2. Pleasantville.
A family goes back in time to an era where everything was easy and life was lived in black and white. But when Betty (Joan Allen) opens herself up to the possibility of pleasure and begins touching herself in the bathtub, her world turns to vibrant color.
3. Black Swan.
One of the most twisted, fucked up masturbation scenes ever. Not because of the masturbation scene but because it's almost impossible to figure out what's real and what's not. And it's Natalie Portman fantasizing about Mila Kunis and that's pretty hot.
4. Not Another Teen Movie.
The depiction of masturbation in this movie is kind of negative so I'm not a huge fan of that. But the opening scene with Janey masturbating while watching the teen movie 'She's All That' is hilarious. I only wish the amazing rotating vibrator she plays with was real.
5. Slums of Beverly Hills.
This story of sexual awakening is a lot more realistic than most. In one scene, Vivian discovers her cousin's vibrator.
6. The To Do List.
Lots of sex in this movie too, but there is a pretty realistic scene where Brandy crosses masturbation off her list. I like that this movie featured a young woman getting a lot of action solely in the name of self-discovery. Usually only guys are allowed to do that in movies. And even though her final goal was that one particular guy, she realized that perhaps sex and love aren't the same after all. And that's not a bad thing.
7. The Secretary
One of my all time favorite movies about a young woman coming to understand that her natural sexual inclinations might not be typical. There is a lot of sex and sexual innuendo in this one but there is a double jerk-off scenes where her boss comes on her back and she runs off the bathroom to get herself off. There's a few other choice self-love snippets as well. Oh ya, and it's Maggie Gyllenhaal - enough said.
These are my favorites because they feature female masturbation which is much more rare than depictions of male masturbation. They are mostly positive depictions as well - with the possible exception of Not Another Teen Movie. That movie takes a fun, humorous approach though. At one point, Janey openly admits to someone that she masturbates to 'She's All That'.
Other notable movies featuring great masturbation scenes are:
FastTimes At Ridgemont High (I considered this sex education when I saw it at 12 years old)
Shame (takes a bit of a troublesome approach to sex addiction but come on, Michael Fassbender in the shower?)
ShortBus (there's a whole lot of sex in this movie and some interesting scenes of masturbation, mutual masturbation, and being watched while masturbating)
But I'm a Cheerleader
Private Parts (Howard Stern is not my favorite, but getting someone off over the radio through the bass on the speaker is pretty awesome)
Some TV Shows Worth Mentioning:
Mad Men - Betty Draper discovers the washing machine.
Sex and the City - Charlotte discovers the Rabbit and Samantha breaks her wand
Friends - Monica thinks she's caught Chandler masturbating to Shark Attack. I loved this episode because when Monica walks in on him getting off and thinks he was watching Shark Attack (he had quickly changed the channel from the porn he had on), she doesn't freak out. She gets him a shark video for them to watch together.
For a bonus treat, check out this cute little movie masturbation mashup on HuffPo.
So here we go:
1. Nine and Half Weeks.
This is one of my favorite movies. Sure, it's twisted and flawed, but I love the portrayal of a woman confronted with sexual desires she's never experienced before. Elizabeth (played by Kim Basinger) is at work, reviewing slides for an upcoming art show. Alone in the dark room, staring at these images, she is overcome by eroticism and thoughts of her hot new lover and pleasures herself right then and there. She is so involved in herself, it is extremely hot.
2. Pleasantville.
A family goes back in time to an era where everything was easy and life was lived in black and white. But when Betty (Joan Allen) opens herself up to the possibility of pleasure and begins touching herself in the bathtub, her world turns to vibrant color.
3. Black Swan.
One of the most twisted, fucked up masturbation scenes ever. Not because of the masturbation scene but because it's almost impossible to figure out what's real and what's not. And it's Natalie Portman fantasizing about Mila Kunis and that's pretty hot.
4. Not Another Teen Movie.
The depiction of masturbation in this movie is kind of negative so I'm not a huge fan of that. But the opening scene with Janey masturbating while watching the teen movie 'She's All That' is hilarious. I only wish the amazing rotating vibrator she plays with was real.
5. Slums of Beverly Hills.
This story of sexual awakening is a lot more realistic than most. In one scene, Vivian discovers her cousin's vibrator.
6. The To Do List.
Lots of sex in this movie too, but there is a pretty realistic scene where Brandy crosses masturbation off her list. I like that this movie featured a young woman getting a lot of action solely in the name of self-discovery. Usually only guys are allowed to do that in movies. And even though her final goal was that one particular guy, she realized that perhaps sex and love aren't the same after all. And that's not a bad thing.
7. The Secretary
One of my all time favorite movies about a young woman coming to understand that her natural sexual inclinations might not be typical. There is a lot of sex and sexual innuendo in this one but there is a double jerk-off scenes where her boss comes on her back and she runs off the bathroom to get herself off. There's a few other choice self-love snippets as well. Oh ya, and it's Maggie Gyllenhaal - enough said.
These are my favorites because they feature female masturbation which is much more rare than depictions of male masturbation. They are mostly positive depictions as well - with the possible exception of Not Another Teen Movie. That movie takes a fun, humorous approach though. At one point, Janey openly admits to someone that she masturbates to 'She's All That'.
Other notable movies featuring great masturbation scenes are:
FastTimes At Ridgemont High (I considered this sex education when I saw it at 12 years old)
Shame (takes a bit of a troublesome approach to sex addiction but come on, Michael Fassbender in the shower?)
ShortBus (there's a whole lot of sex in this movie and some interesting scenes of masturbation, mutual masturbation, and being watched while masturbating)
But I'm a Cheerleader
Private Parts (Howard Stern is not my favorite, but getting someone off over the radio through the bass on the speaker is pretty awesome)
Some TV Shows Worth Mentioning:
Mad Men - Betty Draper discovers the washing machine.
Sex and the City - Charlotte discovers the Rabbit and Samantha breaks her wand
Friends - Monica thinks she's caught Chandler masturbating to Shark Attack. I loved this episode because when Monica walks in on him getting off and thinks he was watching Shark Attack (he had quickly changed the channel from the porn he had on), she doesn't freak out. She gets him a shark video for them to watch together.
For a bonus treat, check out this cute little movie masturbation mashup on HuffPo.
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