Sensational Story of Big Balls has a Hidden Sad Side

I caught this story on my facebook news feed today. Man has 132 pounds scrotum removed when kind-hearted doctor agrees to do it for free. I wondered at first if this was a joke story because it leans heavily to the sensational but it does appear to be true. It's pretty clear that the daily mail just really wants to run a story about a man with 132 pound scrotum - complete with lots and lots of pictures - but two things strike me about this story and make me very sad.

First, this poor guy had to suffer with this condition for five years because he could not afford a surgery to fix it. This is a fine commentary on how the US health care system just doesn't work. How in the world could this guy not have some sort of insurance that would cover this? This is not exactly a cosmetic procedure. His balls weighed 132 pounds! He could barely walk. He was suffering all kinds of skin problems and massive pain because of this. At one point, he was considering auctioning his scrotum to get money to pay for the surgery. How messed up is this? In spite of how funny some people seem to think this is, it's a very serious health problem. He should have been able to get treatment for it.

The second sad thing is the article states that Mr. Warren claimed to be unhappy about the results of the surgery because his penis was just an inch long. According to the article, he said that he felt he would never be able to have a relationship with a woman. That makes me just want to go find this guy and give him a great big hug - and then a slap upside the head. We are so focused on penises in this culture that we just can't seem to wrap our head around a happy, healthy, fun sex life that doesn't include a ginormous cock.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a ginormous cock. If you happen to have one or you happen to love someone who has one, that's just great. That ginormous cock will be a part of your sex life and well it should be. But if you don't have one and/or you happen to love someone who doesn't have one, we seem to think that sex is either over or diminished and the best way to solve that is to try to figure out how to get that ginormous cock.

I work with a lot of people who have troubles with erections for a variety of medical reasons. I also work with a lot of medical professionals who deal with these people. Now I love these medical folk and I'm happy that they do what they do but I have definitely seen that when dealing with a man who doesn't get erections, their response is to try to get him to have erections. Almost always, the first suggestion is Viagra and then some other drug if that doesn't work. If that doesn't work, they talk about injections and possibly even implants. And it is actually a ladder like that - I have never talked to a man who has had a bunch of different options laid out for him to choose from. They are usually given a drug first. If that drug doesn't work, then other drug options are discussed. If that doesn't work, then implants and injections are discussed. If that doesn't work, they come to me for a pump and a ring. I think it would be so much more efficient to talk to him about all of the options and the pros and cons of all of them and then let him choose what he'd like to try first.

Even when that is done, what is rarely discussed is the idea that it's really okay if you don't have erections. There are a bazillion ways to have sex and a hundred bazillion ways to be physically close to someone. Only a very few of those involve an erect penis. It's disheartening and endlessly frustrating to me that most men believe that their sex life is over if they don't get erections and that a lot of the medical establishment perpetuates that idea. I've seen first hand how not true that is from people for whom a ginormous erect cock is not and never will be possible and/or for whom it's not even desirable. From my vantage point as a toy person who works with the full spectrum of human sexual expression, I've seen people having all kinds of sex and most of it is highly satisfying and not lacking in any way. I've met men with spinal cord injuries who have partial erections or none at all and still experience ejaculation and orgasm - and feel fully able to give their partners pleasure in all kinds of ways. I've met transmen with a wide range genital realities who use every part of their bodies, including their brains and sometimes toys, to experience great sex. I've met a lot of people who have decided that penis in vagina sex is not what they want - either because they don't want to risk pregnancy or infection, or because they have more than one partner, or because they just don't like it - and they find all kinds of ways to have amazing sex. I have also seen a lot of people who love and/or have sex with a male identified person who does not have a ginormous cock or ginormous erections who are very happy and very sexually satisfied.

So why, why, why, is there still this predominant idea that if you can't get an erection, you're not a real man and you can't have real sex? Mr. Warren, there are a lot of people in this world and I guarantee you that there are women who will love both who you are as a person and what you have to offer in bed. You just need to widen your perspective a little and be confident in what you've got and how you can use it.