Another Installment of the 'What Were They Thinking?' Files

Now I have literally seen everything. Koko, my lovely right-hand woman at the store, alerted me to a website for the CockPipe.



No, we are not making this up. This appears to be all too real. If you don't believe me, check out the site for a video of this toy in action.

So in case you haven't quite sorted it out, this is a cockring with a hashpipe attached to it. You slip it onto your favorite penis and smoke pot and pole at the same time.

I am all for anyone's right to do whatever the hell it is they please but I'm pretty sure this one was created by somebody who had smoked far too much.

You would have to be stoned to allow someone to put a pipe and a lighter that close to your pubes - perhaps shaving is a prerequisite.

The other problem with this thing is that although it says that the sleeve and ring are silicone, I'm pretty sure it's not 100% silicone. It's probably a TPR based silicone. That's a bit of an issue because TPR is not, as they claim, heat resistant. That sucker will melt if that lighter gets anywhere near it and probably just from the heat of the pipe itself. A melted mess of TPR is not good at any time but it's particularly not good when it's strapped to your penis.

Cute idea to think about when your stoned but perhaps not the smartest idea in practice.

Undateables Are Not Undateable After All

I found a show on Slice that's actually good! It's called 'The Undateables'. Because of the name, I didn't look at it for the longest time. I thought it was yet another mean-spirited reality dating show. But I finally took a peek and it's actually a show from the U.K. that looks at people who have a diverse array of physical and developmental disabilities and are using dating services to help them find companions. I highly recommend taking a look. What's so interesting and great about the show is that everyone on it is treated with the utmost respect. There is no pity or condescension. They are all treated as fully capable adults who just happen to have some particular challenges. There is no game show aspect to it either. The show just follows them and talks to them and their friends, families, and prospective dates as they go about their adventures in the dating scene. After watching a couple episodes, and sadly, there are only four episodes on the site currently, a few things struck me.

First, its remarkable and wonderful that there are dating agencies in the UK specifically for people with developmental disabilities and also dating agencies that have no barriers or problems with accepting clients who have physical and developmental disabilities. I'm sure this is probably the case here but I've never actually looked into it. It's so lovely to watch people who understand that pretty much everyone has a need to connect with other people in emotionally and physically intimate ways and that doesn't change just because you might have some challenges. In some ways the match-making places might just be the perfect place because the ones who actually get to know someone and specifically choose someone can talk with a prospective date about the person's challenges beforehand so they are aware. I would imagine this would take a lot of pressure off. Two of the young men that were profiled have Tourette's syndrome. I would think it might make it easier if you knew that your date was already aware and you didn't have to wonder when to tell or if something was going to happen before you got a chance to tell, or if they are going to up and leave once they find out.

The other thing that really struck me was that the principles of what works well for dating and what makes dating difficult seem to be universal, regardless of whatever abilities or disabilities a person might have. What I saw is that the two main things are confidence and communication and they go together. The people who were confident about who they were, usually felt pretty comfortable talking with anyone, and starting up and carrying on conversations. That put the other person at ease and made the dates go pretty well. One of the men featured has a type of fibromatosis that causes large benign tumors. It has left him severely scarred and disfigured, particularly on the face and head. It took quite some time for the dating agency to find him someone but when they did, the date went quite well. This seemed to be because this guy is sweet and funny and very charming. His date was quite taken with him. Some of the others just did not have the confidence to really immerse themselves in the date and engage with the person and it did not go well. The dates were awkward and short. Where a disability can really get in the way is when it hampers the person's ability to communicate. That makes it very difficult to talk and be social. But there were several people who had communication issues and who had learned some tools to get past it and were doing just fine.

I think watching this can give anyone, disability or not, some ideas about how to be successful in the dating. At first glance it looks like the people on the show couldn't ever find someone because there's something wrong with them. But that's actually not it at all. If they can get past the most difficult part, which is the most difficult part for anyone, just knowing where to go to find someone who might be interested in you that you might also be interested in, the playing field gets leveled pretty quickly. Looks and physical abilities start to dissolve and it comes down to personality and compatibility. I've seen this many times with friends and people I've worked with. One young guy that I met was a perfect example. He used a wheelchair because of a spinal chord injury. He told me that once he got used to how things needed to be 'the chair actually improved my game'. He was a hot guy who was charming, funny and confident. The chair didn't slow him down at all.

A New Dawn in our Understanding Kink and Mental Health

Big news! The new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - or the DSM as it's more commonly known - will change the way kink is defined in terms of mental health. The current version lists any type of sexual interest and activity that is not solely focused on people and their genitals as paraphilias. This allows for the claim that people who have such interests may be mentally ill when really, they are probably completely normal healthy people who just happen to get turned on by feet, or diapers, or balloons, or whatever the case may be. The DSM-5, which is coming out in May, still defines those things as paraphilias but then contains a new category - of paraphilic disorders. Paraphilias are things happily and healthily and consensually enjoyed by those who participate. A paraphilic disorder is a paraphilia which causes distress or harm to the person who is practicing it or to others. I know, that's still really open to interpretation but this is a great move. It is a statement by the most influential mental health professionals in North America that kinky sex and BDSM is not, in and of itself, unhealthy. Just like any other activity or interest, it's only unhealthy if it's hurting the person who does it or other people involved. This will be of great help to those who find themselves unfairly persecuted because of their sexual interests like people who lose their jobs when bosses or co-workers find out they're kinky or parents who lose custody or visitation rights - and yes, this does happen. Now, anyone who tries to use someone's sexual interests against them will not necessarily have the support of the DSM, they will have to show that there is actual harm.

The best step, I think, would have been for the concept of paraphilia to have been left out entirely as it's clear from the explanation above that if the paraphilia isn't causing any distress to anyone, it's no big deal and doesn't need to be discussed and if the paraphilia is causing distress, there's an underlying issue completely unrelated to the paraphilia as evidenced by the fact that lots of people have paraphilias and have no problems with them. In the case of a paraphilic disorder, it's much more likely that the person has some other issue such as obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, coping issues, stress, that are expressing themselves around the fetish or kink. It's not the kink that's the issue, it's the thing that's driving the distressing expression of the kink that's the issue. So this new categorization isn't perfect, to be sure, but at least it's a step forward in the recognition that lots of people have kinks, lots of people are into BDSM, and they are not, because of this, sick, weird, mentally ill, dangerous or abnormal. I think we should call it a small victory for now.

Here's an article with more information.

My Hero for the Day

I had a story in my news feed this morning about a high school student who is protesting a presentation at her school by abstinence crusader Pam Stenzel. This young woman, Katelyn Campbell, who's age is not listed but couldn't be older than 17 or 18, has shown not only the wisdom to detect the false information in Stenzel's presentations and the violation of student's rights by forcing them to attend a blatantly religious themed assembly, but also the guts to stand up and say no in spite of mounting consequences to her academic life. She deserves a huge round of applause and all the support she needs to see herself vindicated.

So for some background on this, Pam Stenzel is an abstinence 'educator' of the absolute worst order. She travels the US giving speeches to all kinds of groups of kids but mostly high schools, teaching them about all the bad things that will happen to you if you have sex. Her presentations are riddled with inaccurate information. She says that condoms are not effective in preventing pregnancies and STI's and that abortion causes depression and suicidal thoughts. She says that abortions are painful and cause bulimia. Her presentations are chockful of gender stereotypes - she places both the blame and the responsibility for sexual activity almost solely on girls. She tells girls that they are devaluing and debasing themselves if they have sex and says that if their mothers give them birth control, it means they hate them. She says that a girl is ten times more likely to get an STI if she's on birth control. There is also a large dose of Christian Fundamentalism along with all of the other stuff. If you don't believe me, and if you don't mind throwing up in your mouth a little, take a look at this clip of one of her presentations.



I love that this crowd doesn't think she's funny - even though she's trying to make jokes. If that doesn't bother you, check this out!



Notice how its really just the girls who need to stop having sex and confess to their husbands what they've done.

Ok, so it doesn't take a genius to realize that this stuff is harmful. In fact, if you look at any recent research, you'll see that it's been irrefutably proven that this kind of 'education' is not effective in delaying the age of first sexual activity, reducing numbers of pregnancies, or preventing STI's. But I still applaud Katelyn for pointing it out and for standing up for all of the people in her school who were made to feel uncomfortable, ashamed, or downright terrified by Pam and her crazy shitshow. Katelyn refused to go to the presentation and started a protest against it. Her principal threatened to call the college she had been accepted to and tell them that she was a 'bad character' and a 'backstabber'. In a beautiful little response, Wellesley College tweeted yesterday afternoon that Katelyn need not be concerned about her spot for next year. Glad to see that they support her right to protest.

It's not so much that Katelyn needed to win this and actually stop the presentation from happening. It's just that students should, and really do need to, have both sides of the story. Students should be made aware of the fact that Stenzel has been roundly criticized for giving misinformation and they should know the actual facts as opposed to what she says. They should have resources so that they can sit in that room and judge fairly for themselves whether they agree with her or not. And they should have the right to choose not to attend the presentation. The fact that none of those things were available and that the school would attempt to force their students to listen to someone berating and scaring them and offer them no alternative information is baffling and scary to me. They should have at least allowed and welcomed Katelyn's protest and allowed her to give out her information - letting the students decide for themselves. But that's exactly what this boils down to. Katelyn's principal and Pam Stenzel and their ilk want to tell teenagers what to do. The last thing in the world they want is for them to think for themselves. They want them to blindly follow where they lead them and meekly do what they are told. But is that the kind of education we really want? What do we get when we teach our children to sit back, listen and obey? We get a generation of blind followers. Is that what we want? Or do we want a generation of thinkers, questioners, innovators and leaders like Katelyn?

Vibration for Voice

I have always been a proponent of vibrators and all the wonderful things they can do, and not just what they can do for your sex life. A story that came out last month and continues to make news gives us yet another wonderful use for the vibrator. It improves your singing voice!

Dr. David Ley, a professor at the University of Alberta, has found that use a vibrator against the muscles in the throat, around the vocal chords, can relax them and improve the strength and range of the voice. Yay for vibrators. Here is the best story and video I could find, that really explains what he's done. What the story doesn't tell you is that it was staff and the Traveling Tickle Trunk that helped him choose that Siri vibrator. We've always known that vibration is good for muscle massage. We work with physiotherapists who use massage for all kinds of muscle therapy. Vibrators stimulate blood flow and that helps muscle to relax and stretch out. So when Dr. Ley came in with this idea, our staff weren't surprised at all.

We're pleased to see this story getting so much press because we want everyone to understand how awesome vibrators are for all kinds of reasons. It's certainly stimulated a lot of interest in the Lelo Siri!