We've all seen those books that help parents explain where babies come from. Some of them, like the classic, 'Where did I come from?', are even pretty good. But times have changed. Sure, it still takes a sperm and an egg to make a baby, but the story of how that sperm and egg come to meet can be more complex than those classic books let on. Do these books really explain enough for kids who may be coming from less traditional situations? What about kids who were adopted? What about kids whose parents hired a surrogate to carry them? What about kids who were conceived by IVF? What about kids of transgendered parents or parents who don't identify with traditional genders? There are many ways for sperm and egg to meet and there are many types of parents. Cory Silverberg, well-known sex educator, thought it was time for a book that included all of those many ways.
Cory's book 'What Makes a Baby' is a book for kids from preschool to 8 years old that explains that mysteries of where babies come from without referencing gender or parent roles. It's not necessarily Mommy and Daddy that make a baby and it's not necessarily Mommy and Daddy who take care of the baby and a parents to the baby. This books acknowledges that and provides a resources for both parents and children who are left out of all the other 'Where Do Babies Come From' resources.
Cory is currently running a kickstarter campaign to help raise money to publish the book. There has been so much interest in the project that there has already been enough funds raised to publish. However, Cory is hoping to be able to print 2000 copies of the book and they need a little more support to accomplish that goal. If you pledge $30 or more, you get a copy of the book. If you don't want to get it through the kickstarter campaign, the book is set to be published in June.
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1809291619/what-makes-a-baby
Friday, March 9, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Happy International Women's Day - Unless You Live in Utah
Well happy International Women's Day to you, Utah! So great to hear this IWD morning that the State of Utah has just voted to ban comprehensive sex education. They have voted - 19 to 10 (not even small margins here folks) - to pass a bill that would make it illegal to teach anything in public schools except abstinence only sex ed. Lovely little features of this newly passed bill include:
- removing the choice of the individual school to teach abstinence based sex ed (which advocates abstinence as the best choice but acknowledges other choices and teaches about them)
- removing the choice of the parent to opt their children into comprehensive sex ed by removing comprehensive sex ed completely
- making it illegal (illegal, folks, I'm not kidding) for teachers to talk about contraception AT ALL
- removing all discussion of homosexuality from the curriculum and barring teachers from talking about it EVEN IF A STUDENT ASKS
Those who voted for this utterly insane piece of legislation say they did so because they believe that it's the parents' job to teach kids about sex, not the teachers. What they are disregarding here is the rights of parents who do believe that it's a schools job to teach about sex ed. If you believe that it's not, why not home school your kid or pull them out of sex ed (which the existing rules allow them to do)? Why make it unavailable to every child?
They also say that they don't want teachers talking to kids about sex because these are people they don't know and they have no idea what they're going to teach them. WHAT? You know exactly what they are going to teach because there is an approved curriculum that tells them what to teach. A teacher cannot tell his students in sex ed. that bestiality is normal and healthy because that it not on the curriculum. Just as a teacher cannot tell his students in social studies class that Hitler was misunderstood and that the holocaust has been greatly exaggerated.
All of these aguments are just a front to try to justify a completely inexcusable position. These people believe that not teaching kids about sex will prevent them from doing it. They also want to impose their narrow (and very much minority) values about sexuality on other people.
The fact is that abstinence only sex education does not work. We know that without a shadow of a doubt. Study after study has shown that the most effective way to lower the age at which teenagers start having sex, to lower the rate of unintended teen pregnancy, and to lower the rates of STI's among teenagers is to offer comprehensive sex education that includes information on birth control and STI prevention. This is now an indisputable fact. The insistence of these people that sex ed is innappropriate is a moral belief, not one based in any sort of evidence-based research. This bill will harm their children and everyone else's and yet they insist on holding to their moral standards regardless of the effect.
The bill is not yet law. It must be signed by the governor. I don't know anything about the governor of Utah and I have no idea if he will sign it. We can only hope not.
- removing the choice of the individual school to teach abstinence based sex ed (which advocates abstinence as the best choice but acknowledges other choices and teaches about them)
- removing the choice of the parent to opt their children into comprehensive sex ed by removing comprehensive sex ed completely
- making it illegal (illegal, folks, I'm not kidding) for teachers to talk about contraception AT ALL
- removing all discussion of homosexuality from the curriculum and barring teachers from talking about it EVEN IF A STUDENT ASKS
Those who voted for this utterly insane piece of legislation say they did so because they believe that it's the parents' job to teach kids about sex, not the teachers. What they are disregarding here is the rights of parents who do believe that it's a schools job to teach about sex ed. If you believe that it's not, why not home school your kid or pull them out of sex ed (which the existing rules allow them to do)? Why make it unavailable to every child?
They also say that they don't want teachers talking to kids about sex because these are people they don't know and they have no idea what they're going to teach them. WHAT? You know exactly what they are going to teach because there is an approved curriculum that tells them what to teach. A teacher cannot tell his students in sex ed. that bestiality is normal and healthy because that it not on the curriculum. Just as a teacher cannot tell his students in social studies class that Hitler was misunderstood and that the holocaust has been greatly exaggerated.
All of these aguments are just a front to try to justify a completely inexcusable position. These people believe that not teaching kids about sex will prevent them from doing it. They also want to impose their narrow (and very much minority) values about sexuality on other people.
The fact is that abstinence only sex education does not work. We know that without a shadow of a doubt. Study after study has shown that the most effective way to lower the age at which teenagers start having sex, to lower the rate of unintended teen pregnancy, and to lower the rates of STI's among teenagers is to offer comprehensive sex education that includes information on birth control and STI prevention. This is now an indisputable fact. The insistence of these people that sex ed is innappropriate is a moral belief, not one based in any sort of evidence-based research. This bill will harm their children and everyone else's and yet they insist on holding to their moral standards regardless of the effect.
The bill is not yet law. It must be signed by the governor. I don't know anything about the governor of Utah and I have no idea if he will sign it. We can only hope not.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Abbotsford is Getting it On Again
In an unsurprising turn of events, CanWest announced yesterday that the Abbotsford Taboo show is back on. The dates have changed and CanWest, in a rather carefully worded statement, says that they are working on the liquor license issue and are confident it can be resolved.
They say that there was an overwhelming display of support for the show after they announced the cancellation in February, proving that the larger community wants the show there.
I think it's great that the show is back on but I am just a bit critical of CanWest's handling of it. The notice to potential exhibitors about the show very boldly states that the cancellation has given the show a ton of publicity. "The buzz is beyond awesome and this is going to be our most publicized show ever." They say.
Look CanWest, I love you, but that kind of language really makes a cynical person like me wonder if you didn't cook all of this up yourself to boost sales. I know, you would never do that, but maybe you should tone it down a bit and not give those who oppose Taboo anymore grist for their gripe mills.
They say that there was an overwhelming display of support for the show after they announced the cancellation in February, proving that the larger community wants the show there.
I think it's great that the show is back on but I am just a bit critical of CanWest's handling of it. The notice to potential exhibitors about the show very boldly states that the cancellation has given the show a ton of publicity. "The buzz is beyond awesome and this is going to be our most publicized show ever." They say.
Look CanWest, I love you, but that kind of language really makes a cynical person like me wonder if you didn't cook all of this up yourself to boost sales. I know, you would never do that, but maybe you should tone it down a bit and not give those who oppose Taboo anymore grist for their gripe mills.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Is That a Lorax in your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
Wow, could there be any more coverage of Zac Efron and his little condom slip? In case you didn't hear about this - and I've heard about it so I can't imagine how anyone who has a computer or a TV hasn't heard about it - Zac Efron accidently dropped a condom on the red carpet at the Premier of the movie the Lorax.
He was pulling his hand out of his pocket to shake hands with someone and something fell out of his pocket. He quickly reached down to pick it up and put it away. It was a split-second incident that was really nothing but it was caught on film and has been replayed over and over and over - even in slow motion on some sites. Today there was a clip of him on MSNBC 'explaining himself'.
This is an example of two things about this celebrity 'news' culture that drive me nuts. First of all, this is not some crazy aberrant behavior. Many, and I hope most, guys his age use condoms and carry them around with them. This silly focus on this incident makes it seem like he's done something quite remarkable or unacceptable when it's totally normal behavior.
Second, filming and taking pictures of everything and then replaying them over and over on every possible tv channel and internet site turns things from small incidents into big big deals. This was a quick little slip that could happen to anyone and is mildly embarassing, particularly at a premiere for a children's movie. But now this small little slip has been seen by millions of people and poor Zac has to go on TV and talk about it when he's there to work.
To his credit, he handled it well, saying that he thought it was a good thing for people to see - a good message that he has condoms in his pockets. I think it's a great thing. Look all you girls who swoon over Zac Efron, he practices safer sex! Cool guys use condoms!
This is much like the pictures of Miley Cyrus that were all over the net a few weeks ago. She got her boyfriend a penis cake for his birthday as a joke. Her friends took some pictures of her being silly with it. This is no big deal. We all do silly fun stuff like this in our lives. If you had a penis cake at a party wouldn't you take silly pictures of you and your friends with it? Of course you would! I know I would! But these pictures were splashed all over the internet with people talking about how raunchy they were and how opposed to her image as a teen star. Give her a break already! Why is she held to a different standard than the rest of us because she's a celebrity?
With everyone carrying a camera and instant access to the internet in their pocket these days, I think it's pretty much impossible to ensure that nothing embarassing about you ever gets out into the public domain. So maybe it's time to just relax.
He was pulling his hand out of his pocket to shake hands with someone and something fell out of his pocket. He quickly reached down to pick it up and put it away. It was a split-second incident that was really nothing but it was caught on film and has been replayed over and over and over - even in slow motion on some sites. Today there was a clip of him on MSNBC 'explaining himself'.
This is an example of two things about this celebrity 'news' culture that drive me nuts. First of all, this is not some crazy aberrant behavior. Many, and I hope most, guys his age use condoms and carry them around with them. This silly focus on this incident makes it seem like he's done something quite remarkable or unacceptable when it's totally normal behavior.
Second, filming and taking pictures of everything and then replaying them over and over on every possible tv channel and internet site turns things from small incidents into big big deals. This was a quick little slip that could happen to anyone and is mildly embarassing, particularly at a premiere for a children's movie. But now this small little slip has been seen by millions of people and poor Zac has to go on TV and talk about it when he's there to work.
To his credit, he handled it well, saying that he thought it was a good thing for people to see - a good message that he has condoms in his pockets. I think it's a great thing. Look all you girls who swoon over Zac Efron, he practices safer sex! Cool guys use condoms!
This is much like the pictures of Miley Cyrus that were all over the net a few weeks ago. She got her boyfriend a penis cake for his birthday as a joke. Her friends took some pictures of her being silly with it. This is no big deal. We all do silly fun stuff like this in our lives. If you had a penis cake at a party wouldn't you take silly pictures of you and your friends with it? Of course you would! I know I would! But these pictures were splashed all over the internet with people talking about how raunchy they were and how opposed to her image as a teen star. Give her a break already! Why is she held to a different standard than the rest of us because she's a celebrity?
With everyone carrying a camera and instant access to the internet in their pocket these days, I think it's pretty much impossible to ensure that nothing embarassing about you ever gets out into the public domain. So maybe it's time to just relax.
Monday, February 27, 2012
What Lies Beneath - There's More to the Clitoris Than You Think
I stumbled on a picture the other day that caught my attention.
This is not modern art - well, I suppose it could be - it's actually an MRI of the female reproductive system. That yellow thing there? That thing that looks like a wishbone with wings and surrounds the entire vaginal opening? That's the clitoris. Yes, this thing that we think is so tiny and elusive is not so tiny after all.
I learned this from my sexual anatomy work some time ago and I have seen diagrams, but I have never seen the real thing in 3D. It's fascinating. Here's another view so you can get a better idea of what's going on down there.
Knowing this about our anatomy really blows some of the conventional wisdom about women and sex out of the water. This is why I love telling women about this. We hear over and over again that only 40% of women can have an orgasm from penetrative sex. Almost inevitably this lovely 'fact' is followed by some advice as to how to make that happen if you're not one of the lucky 40%. As if this is the real way to have sex and if it's not working for you, you just need to find the thing that will make it work for you. But this image tells us two important things about this vaginal orgasm idea.
First, the clitoris is huge. Well, maybe not huge, but much much bigger than we thought. It's not just the head of it, the part that we see that's sensitive and wired for pleasure, it's the whole damn thing. Focusing only on the head of it is exactly like focusing only on the head of a penis. There's a whole lot more there. So for women who do orgasm easily during penetration, isn't it entirely possible, indeed, highly likely, that the penis or the finger or the toy in there is rubbing against parts of this highly sensitive clitoral tissue that surrounds the whole vaginal opening? That circle and the wing parts you see are made of corpus cavernosum (the same kind of spongy tissue inside a penis). The clit gets hard! So if it's all hard and excited, no doubt you are going to be rubbing against it, no matter what kind of sex you're having. Now, this is not to say that you should get off from penetrative sex - lots of us actually don't. It is to say, however, that if you do, it is probably not because you've learned how to do it right, it's probably because that amazing clit tissue is getting some love. The idea that there is a distinct different between a vaginal orgasm and a clitoral orgasm seems pretty silly when you look at these pictures.
Second, when you look at how this all fits together, it seems absurd that we focus so much on penetration as the route to sexual pleasure. Yes, the clit is big, but it mainly surrounds the outer structures. That awesome sensitive stuff isn't deep inside the vaginal canal, it's much nearer the surface.
What also strikes me is that most women still don't know this. This is the picture we see when they teach us about our sexuality in school.
But this is what it really looks like:
Pretty big difference, huh? This first one is sadly simplistic and lacking in some very important elements. It doesn't even show the vagina, let alone the clitoris. But if you were like me, this was the only kind of picture you ever saw. The only thing we are taught about our own anatomy is how babies are made. Everything to do with sexual pleasure is taken out. No wonder so many of don't have orgasms until we've been having sex for many years. When do we ever get the chance to know the truth about how sexual pleasure works for us?
I have made it my mission to explain this to as many people as possible. These lovely new pictures will certainly help in the quest.
This is not modern art - well, I suppose it could be - it's actually an MRI of the female reproductive system. That yellow thing there? That thing that looks like a wishbone with wings and surrounds the entire vaginal opening? That's the clitoris. Yes, this thing that we think is so tiny and elusive is not so tiny after all.
I learned this from my sexual anatomy work some time ago and I have seen diagrams, but I have never seen the real thing in 3D. It's fascinating. Here's another view so you can get a better idea of what's going on down there.
Knowing this about our anatomy really blows some of the conventional wisdom about women and sex out of the water. This is why I love telling women about this. We hear over and over again that only 40% of women can have an orgasm from penetrative sex. Almost inevitably this lovely 'fact' is followed by some advice as to how to make that happen if you're not one of the lucky 40%. As if this is the real way to have sex and if it's not working for you, you just need to find the thing that will make it work for you. But this image tells us two important things about this vaginal orgasm idea.
First, the clitoris is huge. Well, maybe not huge, but much much bigger than we thought. It's not just the head of it, the part that we see that's sensitive and wired for pleasure, it's the whole damn thing. Focusing only on the head of it is exactly like focusing only on the head of a penis. There's a whole lot more there. So for women who do orgasm easily during penetration, isn't it entirely possible, indeed, highly likely, that the penis or the finger or the toy in there is rubbing against parts of this highly sensitive clitoral tissue that surrounds the whole vaginal opening? That circle and the wing parts you see are made of corpus cavernosum (the same kind of spongy tissue inside a penis). The clit gets hard! So if it's all hard and excited, no doubt you are going to be rubbing against it, no matter what kind of sex you're having. Now, this is not to say that you should get off from penetrative sex - lots of us actually don't. It is to say, however, that if you do, it is probably not because you've learned how to do it right, it's probably because that amazing clit tissue is getting some love. The idea that there is a distinct different between a vaginal orgasm and a clitoral orgasm seems pretty silly when you look at these pictures.
Second, when you look at how this all fits together, it seems absurd that we focus so much on penetration as the route to sexual pleasure. Yes, the clit is big, but it mainly surrounds the outer structures. That awesome sensitive stuff isn't deep inside the vaginal canal, it's much nearer the surface.
What also strikes me is that most women still don't know this. This is the picture we see when they teach us about our sexuality in school.
Pretty big difference, huh? This first one is sadly simplistic and lacking in some very important elements. It doesn't even show the vagina, let alone the clitoris. But if you were like me, this was the only kind of picture you ever saw. The only thing we are taught about our own anatomy is how babies are made. Everything to do with sexual pleasure is taken out. No wonder so many of don't have orgasms until we've been having sex for many years. When do we ever get the chance to know the truth about how sexual pleasure works for us?
I have made it my mission to explain this to as many people as possible. These lovely new pictures will certainly help in the quest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
